Jokes

-:VB:-

* What 4 animals does a woman like to have in her house?
- A Tiger in the bed, a Mink in her closet,  a Jaguar in her garage, and...
  A Jackass to pay for it all...

* Without love the days of the week are -
-  Sadday, Moanday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Frightday, and Shatterday.

* Where did you get those big eyes?
-  They came alongwith the face.

*Teacher: Now students, if I saw a man beat up a Donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be  showing?
Student: Brotherly love!

* What is the height of suicide?
- A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road

*     Engineers at NASA built a gun to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle. The idea is to simulate incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
       British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made, and a gun was sent to the British engineers. When the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin, like an arrow shot from a bow.
       The horrified British engineers sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.
.
.
NASA responded, "defrost the chicken".


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Bollywood and Justice #5

-:VB:-

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Bottomline:-

These are only actors, they are humans just like us. They are not anything special.
It is due to a bunch of such non-caring, self indulging individuals, that the whole industry is suffering a distance from the general public. Everyone lives movies, but no one wants to be a part of it, lest they become like one of these...

The thing is, that most of you are a thousand times better than these guys. At least you have a conscience. It is really sad when an acts like these go unpunished! There is absolutely nothing that can be done to incarcerate these culprits.

There is very little that any individual can do to stand up against these creatures. Little... because they have power, money, a panel of lawyers, layers of security, and some corrupt officials and politicians at their disposal.

The thing here is, that if there was anyone common man in his place, he would have been tortured, subjected to police remand, insulted nationally, and provided a quick sentence - perhaps death, without even giving a second thought that he might have been innocent. If he had any problems with any of these guys, maybe they would have only hastened the process.

It is also a disgrace to hear people commenting about  how charges against these guys should be dropped. Maybe if some of their loved ones would have suffered a fate like that of the victims, I wonder what action would they have demanded!

Many cops treat them as celebrities! Imagine that! All of their desires are fulfilled.
Why? They are criminals, behave with them accordingly!
The worst part is the help these guys get from the politicians and the political parties! On what grounds should they be pardoned? Why should they be released and not punished? Is life really that cheap?
If only someone was man enough to accept his mistake and accept his punishment and be an ideal to the society! 

And I used to believe in the system of this country! Sigh....


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Bollywood and Justice #4

-:VB:-

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#3
This star who I'm going to talk about, is the son of a royal family, born to famous personalities. He was evidently caught in the hunting of wild deer in India, but as we can all expect from the Law, he and his friends walked off freely. In India hunting is illegal, and there is severe punishment and penalty for those caught in the act. But it does not say what to do if that person is a film star!

Rightly so, the case is still running in the court, whereas this guys goes on acting and now even producing movies, even though he cannot act! And he even gets married in huge fanfare manner.

Maybe animals do not have a right to live.

A line should be included in the constitution of India:-
'If you are an animal, do not expect any sort of justice from our part!
Just die miserably for the sheer purpose of our entertainment and we will thoroughly enjoy making a joke out of the trials of your massacres, through our corrupt politicians and judicial systems!'


#4
How can we even forget the casting couch issue that sprung up when a media company did a sting operation and uncovered the true face of the  glamorous media world?

Call girls? Adultery? Night stands? What not surfaced after this... The fashion industry was completely opened up by the media, showing its true and shameful colours. Who knows how many innocent lives have been destroyed, how many families have been devastated, and how many talented and deserving actors/actresses shed their clothes and souls... And all this for what?

This one actor though did get punished for molesting his maid, and is serving his sentence in the jail.
Although at first, it looked as the guy was framed, but it ended up as an altogether case.

Still, a case was filed, and a court battle pursued with the actor's wife supporting him, and saying that he was innocent. She also said that the maid was falsely accusing her husband.
These news is pretty shameful for any and every Indian.

Still, there is no stopping all this. Why you ask?
Simply because it involves some very powerful people - highly paid models and actors, businessmen, corporates, but, most of all - the politicians. All this is still happening behind the curtains...


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Bollywood and Justice #3

-:VB:-

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#2
This guy in the middle of the night drove his vehicle over some poor people sleeping on the foothpath. He was apprehended, there were eyewitnesses, evidences, and even confessions by some. Enough proof to lock someone away for a lifetime. But did this happen? NO!

He is a superstar! His case has been running in the courts till date, and there has been absolutely no progress on the decision. There are only dates that are given during every trial, out of which, this guy doesn't even attend any! His movies earn millions, and the film fraternity wants to earn through him, so they support him. It simply does not matter if he is a good human being, but a crime is a crime... Yet, he is out there making movies, earning, and living his life, while the relatives of those poor people still await justice...

It has been said that he is covering up for someone else. But, whatever maybe the case, if he has confessed, and there is enough evidence, then what are you waiting for? I'd say it is all about the money - buy everyone out, and you can continue to enjoy your life.


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Bollywood and Justice #2

-:VB:-

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#1
The first one that I want to talk about is of an actor who was proven to provide arms and ammunitions, and storing them at his home during the riots many years ago. I think he is solely responsible for the deaths and losses of thousands of people. But - as the Indian Judicial system works, he was never sentenced to any punishment even after constant delivery of proofs of his involvement. Maybe because his parent was a  politician and he saved him, maybe he had bribed people, who knows?
  
Instead of being penalised and punished, this guy enjoyed his life, never had to worry about anything, and earned millions. He joined politics as well, and also did charity work. Maybe he did all this to wipe out his terrorist image from the minds of people. But, eventually after so many years, it was a relief to see him behind bars.
  
Still, it was shameful for every Indian, when he demanded of daily cooked home food, a television, an electronic cigarette, and daily gymnasium practise!

'Are you bloody kidding me?'

What was even more pathetic was when some politicians asked the court of law to forgive him, simply because he had acted as a 'bhai', and also promoted the teachings of Mahatma Gandhi in it's sequel! Unbelievable!

Maybe in the near future, we will have terrorists, rapists, murderers and mafia writing books and making movies about India, love and peace - and perhaps have them pardon by the court as well!

The odds are, he will probably get out of jail in a few months or probably the latest by a couple of years...


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Bollywood and Justice #1

-:VB:-

The Indian Film Industry, or as others call it 'Bollywood' in one of the biggest film industries in the world.

Comprised of Movie stars, directors, producers, musicians; uniting various genres of unique movies; home to the most melodious tunes and singers; and last but not the least the fans and their following that keeps this industry well and alive, thriving purely on the support of its fans.

Like normal people, these actors and actresses are humans only. They also have their ups and downs, joy and sadness, and everything any normal person has in life. Many of them have struggled pretty hard to reach where they are today without any support of any kind and without any godfathers. Some were just lucky to be born with silver spoons, or to famed parents. This industry provides some of the most highly paid jobs.

People worship superstars in India because they think of them as idols, as great personalities, as an inspiration... as Hope! Down in South India, Statues and Temples of these Superstars are made, and they are worshipped as Dieties!

All this love and respect goes down the drain when we realise that some of these people are the dirtiest, selfish and corrupt things. This all comes to light owing to the media and the active journalism today. It is not their popularity, that makes me say all this, but rather their attitude towards life, and mistreating others, moreover they have absolutely no shame whatsoever, and do not value life at all...


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Optical illusions #6

-:VB:-

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One liners - June 2013

-:VB:-

One liners for this month:

Here goes:

1.         Recession Rocks! My boss got fired!

2.         I tweet about my blog.

3.         If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

4.         Treat every day as your last day. One day you will be right.

5.         I love graveyards. People die to get in there...

6.         I'll be nicer if you give me chocolate…

7.         Beat the rush hour traffic. Leave work at noon...

8.         I work for MONEY... for loyalty hire a DOG!

9.         If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

10.     No Déjà vu please... I Don't want to go through that again

11.     What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

12.     For your information, I would like to ask a question.

13.     Oh, I didn’t tell you... Then it must be none of your business...

14.     Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems...

15.     I've just made a killing selling my shares in the nitrous oxide market, I'll be laughing all the way to the bank.

16.     I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hi-jacking. We just shot the pilot.

17.     Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

18.     If you were a Giraffe and had a Sore Throat, that would suck!

19.     I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long...

20.     Technically, according to chemistry, Alcohol IS a solution.

21.     I am good with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know 'Y'

22.     Those are my principles. I you don't like them, I have others...

23.     100,000 sperms, and you were the fastest?

24.     Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

25.     Death is hereditary.

 

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