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Friday, November 1, 2013

One liners - Nov. 2013

One liners for this month:

Here Goes:
  1. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
  2. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  3. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
  4. Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  5. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  6. Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
  7. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your mouth is moving.
  8. Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you’re told.
  9. Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!
  10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  11. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  12. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  13. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  14. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  16. Honk if you want to see my finger.
  17. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
  18. How does Teflon stick to the pan?
  19. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
  20. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
  21. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  22. I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
  23. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  24. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
  25. I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Thanks for reading, and do tell me if my posts are Wise or Wicked...

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