One liners - June 2014

-:VB:-

One liners for this month:

 Here goes:

1. I was recently the subject of a joke. I chickened out of a fight, and crossed the road to get away.
2. Grab your taco, you've pulled a dyslexic Mexican.
3. Maths problems, the only place where someone can buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why.
4. My wife accused me of being self-important. I nearly fell off my throne.
5. My wife said she's leaving me because I never make any sense
   ...and that's why I don't like cricket.
6. Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year.
7. Always remember that you are absolutely unique... Just like everyone else...
8. Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software...it's called #Monday, please fix it...
9. Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
10. I didn't climb to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian...
11. I love my life, but it just wants to be friends...
12. I never admit or deny anything. It makes things more interesting.
13. My IQ came back negative :P
14. No Déjà vu please...I don't want to go through that again
15. Oh... I didn’t tell you... Then It must be none of your business...
16. Oh... Sorry... Did you mistake me for someone who cares?
17. People say that laughter is the best medicine...my face must be curing the world!
18. Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids... ... ...Eat them!
19. Suicide: Mans way of telling God - "You can't fire me, I quit".
20. The best things in life are free *plus shipping and handling*
21. The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
22. There is no "me" in team. No, wait, yes there is!
23. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
24. Think I'm Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!
25. Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off...

 Thanks for reading, and do tell me if my posts are Wise or Wicked...