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Thursday, May 1, 2014

One liners - May 2014


One liners for this month:

Here goes:
  1. Do history exams get harder every year?
  2. RIP to Steve Jobs, who always lived life to the macs.
  3. It's things like calling me a 'compulsive liar' which forced me to kill myself.
  4. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you're wrong.
  5. My teacher used to say I wasn't very observant ... be honest, that was his/her opinion.
  6. I wouldn't say I'm smug, but every year on my birthday I phone my mother to congratulate her.
  7. I really love my fan-base...without it my fan would fall over.
  8. Apparently, baby powder + water does not equal baby.
  9. A large steak just drove past me. That's rare.
  10. Coffee isn't my cup of tea.
  11. Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
  12. The key to being funny is to say smart things stupidly... or was is it stupid things smartly?
    Whatever, it's not rocket surgery.
  13. My wife is leaving me because my stories never make any sense.
    And that's how I saved Christmas!
  14. The all new kindle... because you need to carry 3500 books around
  15. Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger... and better. 
  16. I had a recurring dream once. 
  17. Some people say i'm too vague. But you know the famous saying...
  18. I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
  19. Don't you just hate it when people think there clever but use the wrong grammar?
  20. My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.
  21. If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?
  22. I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"
  23. I've heard that reincarnation is making a comeback
  24. I've grown to hate low ceilings
  25. It's times like these, when I'm sat in bed with my computer on my knee, that I really wish I'd bought a laptop.

Thanks for reading, and do tell me if my posts are Wise or Wicked...

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