One liners - Apr. 2014

-:VB:-

One liners for this month:

Here goes:

1. If a stranger offers you a piece of candy...take two...
2. If I promise to miss you, will you go away?
3. If something goes wrong at the office, blame the guy who can't speak English...
4. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
5. I'm a prince in Lagos, Nigeria and I want you to help me move $500 million out of the country.
6. I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
7. I'm Only Here For The Free Food
8. I'm smiling. This should scare you.
9. It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
10. It takes two to lie... One to lie and one to listen...
11. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
12. Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
13. My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
14. Why is abbreviation such a long word?
15. I wonder where my brother is, his lunch is getting all cold ... ... ... and eaten... :P
16. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
17. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
18. .Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
19. You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
20. You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
21. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
22. You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
23. Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
24. Your kid may be an honors student, but you’re still an idiot.
25. I wasn't lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth

Thanks for reading, and do tell me if my posts are Wise or Wicked...